


Fighting For

by anderperrylarrie



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Smut, Suicide Attempt, anderperry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:45:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7020589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anderperrylarrie/pseuds/anderperrylarrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Todd enrolls in Welton obeying his parent's demands despite his immense hesitation. He instantly regrets his decision when he meets Neil, his roommate with the big brown eyes and chiseled features that make him want to write poetry and dare to imagine a life he had once hated himself for wanting.</p><p>or</p><p>Todd is closeted and struggles with internalized homophobia, he at first hates Neil for making him love him. Neil is oblivious to Todd's feelings and just wants to make him happy despite Todd's efforts to drive them further apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fighting For

Todd had been at Welton for all of five minutes and it had already lived up to the name he had heard passing through the halls—Hellton.

His parents were eager to remind him of his ever impending legacy he must fulfill preceding to his brother’s valedictorian showmanship he had once held when he had attended the all-boys school just years before. After their lecture that had seemed to last forever and had Todd wishing for a meteor to fall through the academy entryway in which he was standing, his mother gave him a haste kiss to the cheek and he received a firm hand shake and a pat on the back from his father before they left; he was alone again.

Todd took a moment to stand in the main hallway of the academy after his parents’ departure, he watched the scene play out before him feeling like an outsider who was not welcome to disturb. The chaos that was just over 100 boys running through the halls to unpack in their dorms, greeting familiar faces with a slap on the back, and a chorus of loud cheering unfolded in what seemed to be a routine manner yet foreign to Todd.

He lightly shook his head as if to shake himself from a trance, and began walking. The folded up piece of paper that had his room number sprawled across the front was clutched tightly in his hand in an anxious habit, he had no idea where he was actually supposed to be going. But contrary to popular belief (meaning his parents’) Todd Anderson was not lucky, this would not be some great and fantastic opportunity to forget everything he had left behind to start over. Todd had come to this conclusion when he first heard his voice.

“Hey I heard we’re gonna be roommates, I’m Neil Perry.” Todd turned around watching as the boy walked up to him and grabbed his hand in order to shake it. He momentarily was lost for words, of course he knew Neil Perry, everyone did. Neil gave him a lopsided smile reminding Todd that he had still yet to speak, “Uh I’m Todd Anderson.” He mentally cursed himself for letting his voice come out in shaky bits, he didn’t want people knowing he was nervous let alone he _couldn’t_ ever let people know why this boy in particular made his hands shake and his palms sweat and his mind become a jumble of emotions he was unable to properly express.

Neil led Todd to their dorm which Todd kindly thanked him for but profusely objected to tagging along to study with him and what he could only assume were Neil's friends. His excuse to them had been he was "tired and needed time to settle in" which really translated to: he needed time to figure out how the fuck he was going to survive not only Hellton but being Neil Perry's roommate. 

It wasn't that he didn't like Neil, that wasn't the problem at all, if anything he liked him too much.

Before leaving for the academy he had spent weeks with his brother in which he informed him of the best professors and classes to take and which fellow students he should surround himself with; Neil was on that list.

He had become familiarized with the boy's study habits and his classes, his GPA and what his plans were post-academy. By all means he didn't know anything about the boy but part of him felt as if he did, and part of him liked that he felt like he did. He needed to submerge that part and let it die, his parents could never know that he had let his eyes linger on a picture in his brother's yearbook of a freshman Neil Perry more than a _normal_ man would. 

Todd began angrily shoving his clothes into drawers and emptying the insides of his suitcases. He needed something to take his mind off of this, off of him. He was not going to sit around and disappoint his father just because he had intolerable thoughts towards his roommate.

In this moment, he hated his parents for bringing him to Welton, he hated his brother for encouraging the decision, he hated this school and all it stood for, he even hated Neil Perry.

Primarily though, he hated himself.

       


End file.
